Move In Day

What is that sound, you ask? It sounds like the breath of a thousand corpses to the untrained ear. But experience reveals a far more frightening source: freshmen. Not frightening simply because of their timid glances, pale complexions, and nauseated expressions. No, because of what they bring with them: parents of freshmen.


Maybe you know of what I speak. Maybe, sitting in your cell at a prison in Oklahoma as you read this, you begin to sweat. Maybe you're reading this before you go to sleep in Tokyo, and now you have to turn the lights on and check under the bed, and in the closet. And maybe you don't know. And if you don't, I pity and envy you. Because I know. They are lurking in the hall outside my door as we speak.

All in all, I welcome the new students. It would seem that my entire hall is comprised of the creatures except for my roommate, my R.A., and me. They might be interesting, they might be awkward. They might be funny, they might think that they are funny. We'll find out soon enough.

But the loud, demanding, obnoxious people that spawned them... it's all I can do to remind myself that they will be gone in a few hours. Until then, my campus will be swarming with them, like maggots on a piece of dead meat, like buzzing bees on a hive, ready to sting. Pushing their uncomfortable but excited children onward, taking up space in line with them (I just need my I.D., come on).

But nevertheless, they are here, and will be gone in a flash, and oh, look, my door has a lock. I am well prepared. Good day unto you all. I will see you on the other side.

 Egadlookatthemall!